My cousin is not in charge of government documents

And thank goodness. I love my 16- year old cousin. I do;

Here's my problem.

I'm old.

I'm 28 and I have never felt so much like the next candidate for Shady Pines as when I'm talking, emailing, or texting with my dear young relative.

Here's why- she and her peers have got me really concerned about the English Language.

Her profile contains such statements as

"*i got 2 hata blockas n ya cant stop me cuz if i take 1 off i still got 1 undaneath!!!-"

and

*skool is a biznachh. weekends r awesome. breaks= love. summer= camp= liiffee :D"

I don't even know what that first one means! Is it some sort of threat? An announcement about her preferred intimate apparel? Either way, I'm worried.

It makes me think about where our language is going. I mean how are these kids going to make serious communication with the world?

I mean if Thomas Jefferson was in the "Klizass of '11" I imagine the Declaration of Independence would be all,

"Whenevz NE form of gvmnt bcumz da-struktev 2 theez endz, its all tda rite of da peeps 2 alter or ablsh it biaaa!"

Egad, Gentle Reader, Egad.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my Fiber pill and fall asleep watching Matlock.